Caught in a Lie
by dwennie
Summary: You learn at a young age that promises are never kept. At least, not the important ones. Kensi-centric oneshot.


**So, this is the first time I've attempted NCIS: Los Angeles. I love the characters, and I sincerely hope I didn't butcher them. I took some creative liberties with Kensi's past, so if any of it is inaccurate then I apologize. This mostly a Kensi fic, but I threw in a little Deeks for good measure. Written and edited at 3:30 am, when I do my best (read: only) work, so mistakes are a possibility. :/**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

You learn at a young age that promises are never kept. At least, not the important ones. When your mother dies, everyone and their dogs promise car pools, visits, help with this and that. Some show up once, some make plans before cancelling them the next day, but most simply forget and move on with their lives. You don't blame them, even at your tender age, but you think they could've spared you the false hope. Maybe then it would hurt less.

After the funeral, your dad squeezes your shoulder (you're envious of how strong he's being, but he is a marine after all) and says, "Guess it's just you and me now, Pumpkin."

And because you're young and naïve and desperately sad, you ask the impossible of him. "Promise?"

You miss how his eyes darken and his brow furrows for a moment before he answers, "I promise."

When you're older and you remember that moment, you'll see the things you missed. And you'll understand.

Just a few years later, your dad is ripped from your life, and you prepare yourself to stick it out alone. Since your mom, you've grown up faster than any kid should, and you've found inner strength and stubborn pride you're sure you wouldn't have discovered any other way. In theory, this loss should hit you harder than the first (you're an orphan now, and even as a toddler you were a daddy's girl), but you're tougher than you thought and you shed tears only at the funeral. You decide the human spirit is a strange thing. It turned you from a sensitive girl who cried when she got in trouble to a girl who's a little bit lost and a whole lot strong. You teach yourself to turn your heart to ice when life becomes too much, and it helps fill the holes in your heart, if only for a moment.

After all, you know there's always someone who's got it worse.

The friends you had were great at first, and though for a while you notice nothing, you realize you must have changed (because honestly, how could you not?) when you find that all your friends have drifted. Just like everyone else, they promised to be there; and, just like everyone else, they left. It strikes you that this "loss" of sorts hurts more than it should. Maybe it's because they chose it.

Your relatives take you in for as long as is legally necessary, but despite their good intentions and best efforts, things don't work out. They try too hard to include you, and soon you find yourself making up imaginary plans with imaginary friends to avoid them. Instead, you find a place that's private and quiet where you can watch the ocean and remember.

Then, far too soon, you really are going it alone.

You don't slow down to smell the roses. Staying still for too long gives you too much time to think, and if you do your façade starts cracking. You're a runner, and you're willing to believe that if you keep moving fast enough, your demons won't catch you. So far, it's worked, so you go straight from high school to a few general college classes to the police academy.

Thanks to your dad's self-defence training, you graduate top of the class and dive right into the local police squad. You move through the ranks as fast as you can (you don't get close to anyone, in case you lose them), and when you can be you're a one-man team.

You never make promises to victim's families, because you _know_ what it'll do to them if you break it, so you say the standard "We'll do everything we can" instead. God if you don't mean it with all your heart.

Then, somehow, you meet Jack along the way. Your first thought is he reminds you of dad, and soon you find yourself closer to him than you've been to anyone in years. He tells you "forever and always." Your heart starts to thaw, and you start slowing your relentless pace. When nothing catches you, you slow down even more and start to live life again. Before you know it, you're engaged and very much in love.

But Jack comes home changed, and you swear you'll help him because for once in your life you might be able to make him stay, for once you might have control. You do everything you can and more, but it's just not enough and soon he's gone too, along with another piece of your heart.

It takes you time, but soon you've built walls stronger than ever before and you immerse yourself completely in your job. You've started undercover work and you find that it suits you. It lets you be someone else, and the game you play takes enough of your effort to keep your thoughts out of dangerous territory.

It's just over a year when you receive a visit from a tiny, strange lady asking you to join NCIS' office of special projects. You accept in a heartbeat; you've heard of NCIS and the fast pace and tough cases appeal to you. That combined with undercover work and you know you've found your calling.

At first you're aloof, but soon you realize this group of misfits gets each other, yourself included, more than you could've imagined. They all have their issues (in your profession it's practically an unwritten rule), but they bond in spite of them (or perhaps because of them). In what seems like no time, "their" becomes "our", and you've become a part of the makeshift, slightly dysfunctional family. You know there's a very real possibility of this family suddenly ending up a member short, but you're enjoying yourself so much you push those negative thoughts away.

Then Deeks comes, and you can tell his soul has taken a similar beating from a mile away. You would treat him cordially, but he pushes your buttons a minimum of 12 times a day, and you're pretty sure he enjoys it. You like a good competition as much as the next girl, so before long the two of you are fighting a silent war.

You find he's growing on you.

Suddenly the stakes are raised and you and Deeks find yourselves in a plan gone wrong. The Russians are losing patience, and you only see one option that'll get both of you out alive (for now). You don't miss the panic in his voice when he tells you to stay put, nor do you miss the fear in yours when you reassure him he'll get you back. You're glad he doesn't make his own promise, because you'd hate for him to have to break it.

It's a promise you make on his behalf, because for reasons you aren't even going to try to understand (you're sure Nate could come up with something if he ever found out), the only promises you'll heed are ones you make for yourself. Even if they break, there's no betrayal, just sadness. And you've had more than enough practice dealing with sadness.

The hours pass in a haze of discomfort and, admittedly, fear, and now Deeks stands before you, offering you his hands (and at the same time, so much more). At this moment, you realize you trust him, even care for him. And then you're flying, his arms tight around you and your head pressed into his chest. You land painfully, though you're sure he got it much worse than you. There, staring down at him, both of you riding out the adrenaline, you discover you want to keep him around for a while. He makes your life a little harder and a lot more interesting, and you find you like it.

Somehow, the boy with the shaggy blond hair and the stormy blue eyes has taken hold of one of the few undamaged pieces of your heart. And you let him.

Go figure.

* * *

**Hearing from you would be awesome (I'm always insecure when it comes to new fandoms).**

**I hope you enjoyed it! :)  
**


End file.
